Sorcarto Clan

Those who don't believe in magic will never find it - Roald Dahl
 
HomeHome  PortalPortal  RegisterRegister  Log inLog in  

Share | 
 

 (NO TITLE)

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
Pyro
Blaze General
avatar

Number of posts : 477
Age : 24
Location : Backpacking across the country
Registration date : 2008-08-10

PostSubject: (NO TITLE)   Wed Jul 15, 2009 12:32 pm

hope ya like it

[align=center]Chapter One[/align]

Hey, my names is Jake Relcast but most of my friends call me Pyro on the case that I have this power where I can control...well fire. It happened About a year ago in Manhattan, NY. Some terrorists got the smart idea to drop a bomb on our little island. It was a pretty well designed bomb it completely incinerated an entire 5 city blocks killing anything it made contact with including my parents, Fortunately my brother was in Chicago at the time, I wasn't that lucky. I was with my parents that day but for some reason I survived, Unconscious and naked but alive. some aftermath scavengers found me and quickly but me on medical machines in the nearest non destroyed hospital. When I woke up, a few weeks later, I spazzed out and completely caught aflame burning all of the machines and medical supplies. After i came to my senses i threw on what little clothes the scavengers brought for me and returned to the streets. It was hetic, Chaos...not a cop in sight and people all living on the streets in most cases. As I walked through the streets I could hear faded screams and shouts in the distance. Instinct told me to avoid it. My Heart told me to chase it. When i got to the source of the Screams I saw a single woman about 19, a year younger than me trying to defend her self against a bunch of rapists. I ran up and punched one in the face and kicked another in the groin...just when i thought we were safe a baseball bat cracked over my head. In most cases a person hit with a baseball bat would be knocked unconscious, but i figured out that night that I was far from normal, I turned around and laughed, laughed can you believe it, at the man who hit me with the bat. then i lifted my fist from my side and clenched it, it burst into flames and gave the man a slug to the stomach most likely killing him. I looked at the two I hit eariler...they just ran away. Then I turned to the girl. This is how I met my first friend after the incident....this was how i discovered i wasn't normal, but gifted....

[align=center]Chapter Two[/align]

Spoiler:
 

Chapter 3
Spoiler:
 


Last edited by The Assassin on Sun Jul 26, 2009 12:31 am; edited 2 times in total
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Pyro
Blaze General
avatar

Number of posts : 477
Age : 24
Location : Backpacking across the country
Registration date : 2008-08-10

PostSubject: Re: (NO TITLE)   Wed Jul 15, 2009 7:21 pm

can some one like....idk read this please Very Happy
Back to top Go down
View user profile
AvatarSayden
Person
avatar

Number of posts : 298
Age : 21
Location : Rapture
Registration date : 2008-08-10

PostSubject: Re: (NO TITLE)   Wed Jul 15, 2009 7:35 pm

Sorry my bro was on the computer until like, 10 minutes ago ^-^;

Anyway... I liked chapter two :-) You're not bad.

Something I want to point out though (sorry -,-) When dialogue is used in a story, you generally make that into a new paragraph... like so... (sorry if this is annoying -,-)

"Hey there generic hobag number 1!" Exclaimed generic pimpguy number 1.

Generic hobag number 1 looked at generic pimpguy number 1 and said, "Oh hey what's up?"

_________________
(RAH) (AH) + RO (MA) + RO (MA) + (GA) = OOH(LA)
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://innocentxxxlies.deviantart.com/
Pyro
Blaze General
avatar

Number of posts : 477
Age : 24
Location : Backpacking across the country
Registration date : 2008-08-10

PostSubject: Re: (NO TITLE)   Wed Jul 15, 2009 7:37 pm

haha yea i know, i read quite often, i was just lazy and typing fast before i let my brother on the computer.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
AvatarSayden
Person
avatar

Number of posts : 298
Age : 21
Location : Rapture
Registration date : 2008-08-10

PostSubject: Re: (NO TITLE)   Wed Jul 15, 2009 8:04 pm

Haha, alright then :3 I get finicky about that stuff.

_________________
(RAH) (AH) + RO (MA) + RO (MA) + (GA) = OOH(LA)
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://innocentxxxlies.deviantart.com/
Pyro
Blaze General
avatar

Number of posts : 477
Age : 24
Location : Backpacking across the country
Registration date : 2008-08-10

PostSubject: Re: (NO TITLE)   Wed Jul 15, 2009 8:13 pm

I'm surpised you didn't point out any other errors i made. such as the "I then shot flames from(out of my hands) letting me sly or hover" the parentheses is what is missing in the actual story
Back to top Go down
View user profile
AvatarSayden
Person
avatar

Number of posts : 298
Age : 21
Location : Rapture
Registration date : 2008-08-10

PostSubject: Re: (NO TITLE)   Wed Jul 15, 2009 8:26 pm

Well i guess if I look at it now... haha whoops ^^;

_________________
(RAH) (AH) + RO (MA) + RO (MA) + (GA) = OOH(LA)
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://innocentxxxlies.deviantart.com/
Everybody Loves Dinosaurs
Lazyass
avatar

Number of posts : 993
Age : 23
Location : Derp
Registration date : 2008-08-10

PostSubject: Re: (NO TITLE)   Thu Jul 16, 2009 12:20 pm

Sounds good, much better than anything I could write of a story. I usually get bored and stop after a paragraph or so ^_^'
But you should run a spell check over it and check some of your capitalization.

_________________
Wow, sarcasm. That's original.
-
Are you an overdue book? Because you've got FINE written all over you.
-
Lamont avatar by ZethRina on Deviantart.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Pyro
Blaze General
avatar

Number of posts : 477
Age : 24
Location : Backpacking across the country
Registration date : 2008-08-10

PostSubject: Re: (NO TITLE)   Sun Jul 26, 2009 12:31 am

Updated with Chapter 3
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: (NO TITLE)   

Back to top Go down
 
(NO TITLE)
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» Got your hands on a new anime/manga title? Discuss here!
» Help with Title ideas
» 2012 (working title) - Work In Progress
» Last letter = first word (anime title style)
» Title changed to "TOMORROWLAND: A WORLD BEYOND" in Europe

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Sorcarto Clan :: Galleria of the People :: Book Gallery-
Jump to: